


eDisharmony

by ascience



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Borussia Dortmund, FC Schalke 04, Fluff and Crack, German National Team, Identity Issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2183076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ascience/pseuds/ascience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mats signs up for a football forum and meets user b_blau.<br/>Benni signs up for a football forum and meets user defensefordortmund.</p><p>Or:<br/>"‘You’ve been temporarily banned by admin_a. Reason: use of psychological theory to convince other users of inferiority of David Beckham’s bodily assets.’ Mats reads and sighs."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [eDisharmony](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405157) by [kts210 (redback210)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redback210/pseuds/kts210)



_free kick forum > football > bundesliga > player stats_

_b_blau_ : no way they were allowed to eat sweets, nutella, cake or any of that stuff in brazil  
 _b_blau_ : source: www.bild.de/sport/fussball/nationalmannschaft/die-wm-diaet-334478942.bild.html  
 _kick3r_ : did you just use BILD as a source  
 _defensefordortmund_ : what comes nxt? u going 2 read tea leaves & use it as a legit predction for the no. of goals schalke is going 2 score  
 _defensefordortmund_ : lol  
 _b_blau_ : who uses ‘lol’ anymore? does the source matter when it’s true?  
 _defensefordortmund_ : everyone who is not a grumpy grandpa who hates fun. counter q: is it true if it’s BILD?  
 _defensefordortmund_ : they tots ate nutella in brazil doesn’t matter what the diet plan said  
 _defensefordortmund_ : u can’t tell me manu and mats went without it for a month  
 _luv_soccer_ : aw, you’re using nicknames  
 _b_blau_ : @luv_soccer anyone who says ‘soccer’ instead of ‘football’ doesn’t get a say in this  
 _defensefordortmund_ : @luv_soccer it’s foOTBALL not socCER  
 _b_blau_ : i’m still waiting for your source though  
 _defensefordortmund_ : is me driving 2 ur house and punching u in the face source enough  
 _admin_m_ : b_blau, stop spreading false information. dfd, stop threatening to drive to user’s houses when they post wrong information/different opinions. I can and will ban both of you. Again.  
 _admin_m_ : Either way, this is extremely off-topic for this section. I would delete this but it’s also hilarious to watch you argue (about Nutella of all things) so I’m moving it to ‘world cup > 2014 > german nt’

\--

Mats might be rich and famous and good-looking but really, he’s just a down-to-earth guy.  
When he gets home after practice, after a press conference or after a match, he doesn’t open a bottle of champagne and get a massage on a golden chaise lounge, no, he takes a beer out of his fridge and sits down in front of his computer just like the next guy.

The next guy, though, probably doesn’t log into a forum to anonymously argue about football facts but it’s not like Mats ever really checked with his team-mates.

“Hey, man, you ever googled your name and ended up signing up for a discussion board just to set some smartass right who claimed Marco has only played in 19 international matches?” is not really the way to start a conversation in the locker room.

Anyway, that’s the way it happened. Googling his own name led to a site rating football players out of ten (Mats is proud of his solid nine) which led to looking at the rest of the forum – including user _whitelion_ who kept messing around in the ‘player stats’ section.

Mats simply had to sign up.  
It was supposed to be a one time thing, smack-down _whitelion_ with some facts and forget about it but somehow – he doesn’t even know how it happened – Mats started spending an incredible amount of time customizing his profile and editing his icon.  
He was worried for a moment whether _defensefordortmund_ as a username was too obvious but then again, who expects a professional football player on sites like this?

He received messages and replies by other users who seemed to like his (admittedly _outstanding_ ) insight on match strategies and after a week, checking the forum became an actual part of his daily routine.

Free Kick Forum was a pretty chill place unlike some other sites Mats had found on the Internet before.  
It wasn’t super popular, more home to the laid-back fans, and admins kept any serious hate between clubs to a minimum by banning troublemakers.

Mats himself had been banned temporarily before because apparently opening a new thread called ‘what hair products do players use’ is considered too irrelevant or something. Like _they_ would know.

Sometimes, Mats posts pictures of himself or the team training and claims that he got them from instagram or twitter and so far no one got too suspicious about it.

He doesn't notice just how far gone he is, until he downloads the Free Kick forum app, chats with different users and talking about himself in third person (as in ‘ive got the feelng hummels will be in the line-up tmrrw’) starts feeling - _normal_.

\--

 _b_blau_ : i’m telling you, there’s no way mats’ height is 1.92m  
 _defensefordortmund_ : u know u could just google it  
 _defensefordortmund_ : it says it rght thr  
 _b_blau_ : i know what it says there but that’s like his official profile or something. i met him and i swear it can’t be true. i’m two cm smaller than him /at most/ and i’m 1.87  
 _b_blau_ : it’s the fluffy hair i think  
 _b_blau_ : it adds /at least/ three cm

\--

Okay, so there’s another reason Mats keeps returning to the website again and again and it’s user b_blau. That’s not even a cool username, but whatever.

They clash first during the liveblog of a match between Bayern and Arsenal, when Mats is sitting on his couch, juggling his computer to access Free Kick and his phone to text Marco about the game at the same time.  
It’s something ordinary, whether that was really offside or not, discussions that Mats has led twenty thousand times before with twenty thousand different users and it really wouldn’t be memorable but it happens again during some Real Madrid match and Mats recognizes the username.

 _b_blau_ : did you see the replay? it wasn’t offside. just like in bayern vs arsenal  
 _defensefordortmund_ : i want sami to score 2 so i’m hppy that referee didnt whistle but it kinda was. just like in b vs a  
 _kickupp_ : take a look at the player cam at ca. 36:20, it doesn’t look like offside  
 _b_blau_ : you’re always rooting for the german players, huh?  
 _defensefordortmund_ : so what  
 _kickupp_ : hey, just take a look at the player cam  
 _b_blau_ : nothing ‘so what’, i’m just saying  
 _defensefordortmund_ : well u can stop ‘just saying’ things  
 _kickupp_ : hey, hey, are you listening to me? just look at the player cam  
 _defensefordortmund_ : aren’t u german urself?  
 _ronaldothereindeer_ : can y’all pLEASE shut up and let us enjoy the game  
 _ronaldothereindeer_ : it was a goal, it’s done now, don’t make me call an admin, fellows

Mats waits until the end of the game but _b_blau_ never answers his question about their presumable German-ness.  
Their user profile doesn’t provide any information either, it’s as blank as you can possibly make it, without the typical gifs and colour banners.  
It simply says _b_blau_ at the top and in smaller, grey letters underneath _last activity: today_. Every other field is set to _this user doesn’t share this information publicly_.

Mats stares at the grey default icon of a smiley face for a moment before closing the tab.

\--

At this point, Mats would probably have forgotten about _b_blau_ but when he comes home after training three days after the offside-discussion, there are six new messages in his inbox on Free Kick.  
The first three are replies to previous conversations, the fourth is _fishx_ asking him whether he believes in some new transfer rumor surrounding Sami.

The two most recent messages were sent by _b_blau_ and Mats feels weirdly excited to open them.

 _i read your little ‘essay’ on team dynamics in_ >players one by one>retired>david beckham _. hilariously misplaced in that section but it was a neat read. probably only you can make a discussion go from beckham’s abs to schindler’s group theory applied to football_

_oh and also admin_a said this would get you another temporary ban. not the theory, the misplacement._

Mats clicks ‘reply’ and is able to send ‘is that a compliment from you?’ before a new window pops up.

‘You’ve been temporarily banned by admin_a. Reason: use of psychological theory to convince other users of inferiority of David Beckham’s bodily assets.’, Mats reads and sighs.

Just a little bit annoyed, he closes the window and looks at his watch.  
Mats decides that since he can't access the forum any longer, it’s at least not too late to call Marco to hang out and play video games.

“Hey, bro, are you up for some games tonight?” Mats asks before Marco can even say his name on the phone.

“Uh, why now?” Marco answers over the low voices in the background. It sounds like he’s watching tv, probably a recording of his beloved court shows.

“What do you mean ‘why now’? Is this a bad time?”

“Nah, I just mean, it seemed like you were always busy this week whenever we were doing something. I figured you- never mind.”

Looking back, Mats can indeed think of a couple of times when he rejected an offer to go to a bar together to –

well, to check the forum essentially but it sounds a bit pathetic when you say it like that. Call it _research_.

“What did you figure?” Mats asks, returning his attention to the call.

“I thought you... had a new girl or something, I don’t know. Whatever, I’m up for video games!”

Mats smiles because you can always count on Marco.

During the time it takes for him to arrive, Mats checks the forum website again, like his ban would suddenly be lifted earlier than after 24 hours. Spitefully, the ban window pops up again.

Mats is still sitting on his computer (alternately playing 2048, checking facebook and opening Free Kick by reflex) when the doorbell rings and he has to get up to let Marco in.

Hanging out with him is fun and relaxing and Mats almost regrets having forgotten about it the past week.

“So, what did you do this week if there was no girl?” Marco asks when they’re both sitting on the couch, concentrating on the screen in front of them, killing zombies.

“You’re going to laugh about me if I tell you.”

“Good, I want to laugh about you.” Mats sticks out his tongue.

“Remember when I told you about that discussion board where they got the facts all wrong? Yeah, well... I kinda... signed up for it.”

Marco starts laughing like it’s the best joke he’s ever heard. “Holy shit, did they believe you that you’re Mats Hummels?”

“It’s not like I told them. I’m, like, incognito - By the way, out of ten for looks, you’re a seven for most of them, Benni’s depends _a lot_ on whether he has a beard or not. Kevin - I'm not talking our Kevin, Kevin-Prince - scores lower than Jerome, which I would not be sure about. Talking about Kevin, Großkreutz is a four on a good day. And that's already stretching it, in my opinion. I’m definitely a nine, of course.” Mats says and throws back his curls.

“Oh, apropos Benni," because of course _that_ is what Marco takes from the profound analysis, "he’s planning a party next week, just some friends, it’s for a match or something but I don’t even care what it's for. It’s a party. He called me yesterday and said to tell you.”

Mats kind of hopes that Marco doesn’t see his face light up because that’s just embarrassing. But Benni specifically asking for him is really cute and heart-warming.

One of Marco’s characters shoots Mats’ in the face on the screen and he yells in celebration so they drop the talking and clench the controllers.

\--

 _kick3r_ : i don’t think dortmund will win the next one tho  
 _reus21_ : where’s defensefordortmund to promise to drive to your house and punch you in the face when you need him <3  
 _b_blau_ : he’s banned for his rant over at >players one by one  
 _hope_han_solo_ : that rant was so fab tho  
 _hope_han_solo_ : and correct on the psychology  
 _admin_a_ : Still out of line.  
 _reus21_ : look who suddenly comes out of the woodwork, what do you want?  
 _admin_a_ : Well. I’m an admin here. So.  
 _b_blau_ : are you going to sulk now? we still love you  
 _b_blau_ : we also miss dfd  
 _admin_a_ : It’s just 24 hours, for god’s sake. Do you miss arguing with him that much, blau?

\--

It’s just some stupid discussion on the Internet with people who weren’t even _there_ but Benni doesn’t like being wrong so he goes to investigate and draws Julian aside before training.

“Did you secretly eat forbidden food in Brazil?”

Julian is visibly confused by the question and eyes Benni like he thinks he’s crazy.  
“Benni... you were literally in Brazil with all of us, too. Did _Kramer_ get hit or you?”

Benni waves the question aside. “Did you or didn’t you? Cake? Nutella? Against the diet plan?”

Julian looks scared now and he probably thinks he’s going to be in trouble. “Uhm, yeah, I did... I mean, Manuel started it!”

So while he was eating his assigned food, everyone else was having the fun stuff, Benni thinks.

“What? Why didn’t you share? And I had to hear about it from some smart-ass guy on the Internet?” he says to Julian who slowly backs away to the pitch with a expression on his face that has to mean worry about Benni’s mental health.

\--

reply to private message  
 _it’s a compliment if you want it to be._  
(b_blau)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I accidentally fooled anyone into thinking I know anything about football with my last fic, I apologize. Because I don't. Whoops.
> 
> Hope you like the fic!


	2. Chapter 2

reply to private message  
 _do my arguments turn u on lmao_  
(defensefordortmund)

\--

The next day, Mats refreshes the Free Kick page until the bitchy pop-up is gone and he is greeted by the usual welcome message below his icon. Which is a picture of himself because Mats once watched a spy movie and they said something about ‘too inconspicuous is suspicious’. Also Mats looks fab in the photo, so that, too.

He comes back to a full inbox and he even recognizes the names of some of his online... friends, for the lack of a better word. In fact, Mats can match a couple of them with real first names, too, depending on how much they show on their profiles.

Mats scrolls past most of the messages, half-flattered, half-intimated by the workload of answering them all. Finally he understands why teenagers spend so much time on their phones, if that’s just a fraction of the conversations they have to coordinate simultaneously.

Due to his way of writing, a number of people have indeed asked him before whether he was a teenager and depending on his mood, he replies with an age somewhere between 14 and 97.

At the very bottom of his inbox, he finds a message by _b_blau_. Judging from the timestamp, they must have sent it right after Mats got banned.

He reads the text ten times, unsure what to think about it. It’s probably supposed to be funny but the period at the end of the sentence adds a certain air of seriousness that should be forbidden on the internet and Mats really doesn’t know what to think about it.

He decides to deal with the message the way that he would deal with any difficult situation: He adds _lmao_ after his answer.

His fingers prickle when he types it out and hits enter.

\--

_> off-topic  > crafts_

_puppymessi_ : I’m thinking about painting a mural on my bedroom wall of the Ballon d’Or. Does anyone have any tips on how to do that?  
 _puppycr7_ : Actually I have a stencil if you want one.  
 _defensefordortmund_ : and i’m over here w/ the baseball bat if u wanna hit urself on the head after u’ve taken a long, hard look at your ridic idea  
 _defensefordortmund_ : i mean i love dortmund /a lot/ but i wouldn’t smear our logo at my wall  
 _bangbangball_ : are you even invading the off-topic section now, dfd?  
 _b_blau_ : really, i would actually consider the logo thing, to be honest. the bvb logo, i mean.  
 _defensefordortmund_ : srsly? a schalker who’d do that?  
 _b_blau_ : i’ve got friends from the bvb  
 _b_blau_ : fans of the bvb, i mean. not everyone hates fans from other clubs.  
 _defensefordortmund_ : why didn’t u tell me u like dortmund 2? we could have been friends  
 _puppymessi_ : Can you please take your lover’s quarrel off my thread?

\--

Honestly, there’s not a lot Mats knows about _b_blau_.  
They are a Schalke fan but seemingly rather casual about it. They love discussions. They know a lot about football, especially about team dynamics so Mats figures that _b_blau_ must have played football himself at some point – which is information about as useful as those weird banana slicers.

 _b_blau_ ’s age, gender or interests outside of football remain a question mark on their profile and in Mats’ mind. And the private message he sent remains unanswered although it hadn’t even been Mats who had started flirting.

He spends a strange amount wondering about it to the point of getting glassy-eyed during training.  
Marco pinches him in the thigh and shoots him a warning look. They had won their last match but as Klopp reminded them daily ‘slacking off is deadly’.

“What’s wrong?” Marco mouthes to him when they’re under the showers after training because apparently Marco is such a good friend that he can read Mats’ mind or some freaky shit like that.

Mats doesn’t know how to explain that he’s developing an obsession for a Schalke fan who has a thing for his hair (although of course said fan doesn’t know that it’s _his_ hair when they wax poetics about it on the forum) – so Mats just shrugs and gives a thumbs-up.

Let Marco think his life is easy or whatever.

They end up playing video games again that evening but this time at Marco’s house.

Marco blabs on and on about whatever happened in the last court show he watched so Mats tunes it out until Marco jabs him in the side with an expectant look on his face and Mats notices that the white noise had stopped.

“Uh, what?” he asks and feels a little bad about not listening to Marco but honestly those shows are always the same. Murder, affair, jealousy, probably illegal use of video material as judicial proof, murder, rinse and repeat.

Marco rolls his eyes and repeats his question, “I asked: Are we going to Benni’s party at the weekend? I totally pwned you last time I asked so you never answered.”

Right. Benni’s party. He’s really looking forward to seeing Benni again although it hasn’t been that long since they won the World Cup together but there’s that squishy thing inside his chest that makes him miss Benni already.

“First of all: You didn’t ‘pwn’ me you sneakily attacked me from behind while I was shooting zombies. Second of all, yes, we’re definitely going. Third of all... okay, I don’t know what’s third but stop talking about your dumb court shows.”

Mats has to duck away so Marco can’t smack him on the back of his head.

Marco just laughs and takes a swig from his beer. “So let’s talk about something different then. What happened to your ‘research’ on that, uh, Kicker Forum or whatever it’s called. Do the users have any hints on Pep Guardiola’s plan to take over the world?”

Mats cringes and hides his face in the crook of his elbow.  
“Urgh, I seriously regret telling you about Free Kick Forum. Don’t make fun of me. It’s actually really nice to talk to fans without being idolized or whatever.”

Marco, that douche, doesn’t say anything just raises one eyebrow without even looking away from the screen.

“Yeah, sure, I like being idolized, too,” Mats continues with the wave of his hand, “but it’s pretty cool, really. You can meet tons of people.”

For a moment, Marco doesn’t say anything and the room is only filled with the crunchy sound of video-game-zombies dying. Then, however, he speaks up again and there’s some undertone that Mats ignores for his own good.

“’People’, huh?”

Mats remembers what Marco thought about him spending time on the computer – a new girl or something – and frowns.

“Yeah, people. Fans, you know.”

“Ah, okay!” Marco replies, nodding and Mats figures he must have imagined that weird situation just now.

They play another three rounds before they part because they can hardly keep their eyes open anymore.

Back home, Mats still boots up his computer and is greeted by a single message on Free Kick. It’s from _b_blau_.

Mats gets a sudden adrenaline rush but it’s not a reply to his previous one, it’s an entirely new message.

_i wanted to discuss what you said about the supercup but i don’t think admin_th will appreciate me spamming the board again after the last time (how do you always say? lol?) so i wanted to ask whether you have skype?_

It sound like a very flimsy excuse to get his skype name because as far as Mats can remember, the only thing he said about the supercup was that he liked the trophy and if _b_blau_ wants to argue about _that_ , then they might as well just join a debate club.

But Mats is grateful that _b_blau_ asked first since he wouldn’t even have known how to go about it. He finally wants to find out whether he’s just imagining the flirting that’s going and the tension or whether that’s just how you, hm, ‘troll’ people on the Internet.

Hopefully not the latter, he thinks, and types out his skype name in the answer box.  
Before sending his reply, he reads over it again and freezes. Shit. That had been a close one.

 _sure, i’d love to discuss anythng w/ u_ , the text reads, _my skype name is m.hummels_

Mats had been _that_ close to send his actual skype info to a freaking stranger on the Internet who thought he was nothing more than a Dortmund-obsessed nerd. He quickly deletes the text and takes a deep breath.

At 11 pm, Mats signs up for a new skype account and only wonders for a very brief moment whether _b_blau_ is really worth all this.

\--

 _defensefordortmund_ : what did u think bout the match?  
 _eis_schmelzer_ : #daaaamn great work from roman and mats imo  
 _eis_schmelzer_ : when they zoomed in on that one fan with the chicken on his head though, that wasn’t even about football but it was the best part  
 _99clubs_ : omg ikr? wonder how he got it into the stadium  
 _defensefordortmund_ : omg a chicken rly??  
 _piszczek.key.smash_ : wait didn’t you watch it on tv?  
 _defensefordortmund_ : haha nah i was playing football  
 _reus21_ : oh do you play in a club?  
 _defensefordortmund_ : aaah kinda... i guess  
 _reus21_ : any club one might have heard about?  
 _defensefordortmund_ : haha uh its not like its the fcb, just playing w/some friends

\--

Benni knows he’s behaving like a stupid lovesick teenager but ‘A fault confessed is half redressed’ apparently doesn’t help when you’re trying to get over your hopeless crush on a fellow football player and end up kind-of-maybe-perhaps falling for a loud Dortmund-fan on a discussion board. Looks like he has a type.

He’s happy that he signed up for Free Kick half a year ago though because now it’s pretty much the best thing to take off his mind of Mats and forget about his fuzzy feelings.

 _defensefordortmund_ had been a welcome distraction but Benni really just liked talking to someone who liked football as much as him and could involve him in a conversation.

He had been too much of a coward to answer dfd’s message about him being turned on but one evening he recklessly asked for dfd’s skype name and actually received an answer.

Benni tries to stare the blinking cursor in the skype message field into submission but it’s only vaguely helping.

 _so about the supercup_ , he starts but immediately deletes it again because he doesn’t even know _what_ about the supercup.

 _Lilien (reus21) posted a cute photo of Mario on his holidays_ – but no, that sounds exactly as forced as it is, who even gives a shit about that.

Thirty minutes later, Benni is still sitting on his bed, typing things and deleting them again, snuggled up in his blanket, tea in his one hand.

This is really not the way to do this, Benni decides and throws all caution and restraint into the winds. Just do this casually, like you would talk to any friend.

_hey dfd (if i can call you that? your profile doesn’t list a first name), i just watched that new johnny depp movie, you know the one? it’s was pretty cool, you should totally watch it_

\--

[thread deleted by user three minutes after posting]

_> off-topic  > relationships_

_b_blau_ : does anyone have any tips on how to get over your crush  
 _b_blau_ : and i’m talking crush as in annoyingly good-looking, annoyingly straight friend  
 _b_blau_ :... never mind, this is pathetic. i’m deleting it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tad shorter than usual, sorry. I didn't have too much time today because it was my first day at my new job thing (which involves football, by the way). Hope you still like it!
> 
> Oh and a 'Schalker' is simply a fan of the football club Schalke, I don't know whether that's clear to non-german speaking people.


	3. Chapter 3

_b_blau_ : in my opinion, schalke has a real shot at the title this year. we still have a few problems but we can work it out  
_kick3r_ : nice how you say ‘we’ like you can actually help them in any way  
_kroosmyheart_ : didn’t know you were a schalke fan??  
_b_blau_ : well the hint is in my username  
_kroosmyheart_ : ???  
_b_blau_ : blau as in german for blue? as in the colour for schalke?  
_kroosmyheart_ : oh right sorry i’m not german!  
_defensefordortmund_ : why r u never online when we liveblog schalke matches tho?  
_playit:_ do you miss blau because you have no one else to argue with during those matches :P  
_defensefordortmund_ : no.  
_defensefordortmund_ : maybe.  
_b_blau_ : i’m pretty much always working when schalke plays  
_b_blau_ : anyway i could ask you the same thing about dortmund matches  
_defensedortmund_ : i have a season ticket basically. i’m usually at the stadium when they play

\--

Benni frequently _almost_ slips up on the forum and then he has to make up excuses as to why he refers to the team as ‘us’ or why he knows Benedikt Höwedes’ training routine by heart.

So far, nobody got suspicious and he’s grateful for that because he doesn’t need real life to interfere with his Internet happiness.

Real life sucks enough on its own, Benni decides, when Julian bugs him the whole time during training. Don’t take this wrong, he loves the boy, but all that juvenile energy gets on his nerves sometimes.

“Can’t you go annoy somebody else? Look, Leon is over there all by himself!” he snaps finally but Julian just grins conspirationally.

“I’m not going to leave until you tell me who you keep texting all the time! It’s your secret crush, isn’t it?”

Benni sighs and doesn’t even start to wonder where Julian picked _that_ up. “No. I mean, it’s – it’s complicated.”

Julian groans in the way that overdramatic teenagers have down pat, even if he’s not a teenager himself anymore.  
“Don’t give me ‘complicated’. Keeping track of the storylines in Game of Thrones, that’s complicated. When you’re in the supermarket and you have to put away your change _and_ your groceries at the same time, while the next customer is already impatient, that’s complicated. Your love life ain’t complicated.”

Benni frowns but Julian just grins again and skips across the pitch to Leon like a forest fairy.

It kind of haunts Benni throughout the day although it’s just something stupid Jule said.  
The words ‘your love life ain’t complicated’ resonate in his head when Benni picks up his phone and he looks at a photo of himself and Mats on the Maracanã pitch that he has set as his background.

Benni ignores the tight feeling in his chest and sends the details of his party to his contacts, when the skype app pops up.

 _defensefordortmund_ and he talk a lot via skype and while it’s weird to open up to someone who’s essentially a stranger, it’s also freeing to have someone you can complain to. Someone who’s not a professional football player.

\--

 _b_blau_ : work today sucked. my colleague kept asking me about my crush  
_dfd_ : your crush?  
_b_blau_ : yeah, he asked whether he knows him, whether it’s another colleague and so on. very annoying.  
_dfd:_ him? oh so ur a girl? i mean ur profile on free kick doesnt say  
_b_blau_ : haha no i’m not a girl.  
_b_blau_ : congrats on the heteronormativity though.  
_dfd_ : sorry omg  
_b_blau:_ urgh no i’m sorry, you couldn’t have known, i’m just still annoyed about work  
_dfd:_ no its totlly ok  
_b_blau:_ this isn’t going to be a problem though, is it?  
_b_blau:_ i mean, me being a guy and...  
[dfd is typing]

\--

Finding out more about _b_blau_ turns them – no, _him_ – more and more into a real person and Mats vaguely wonders whether that’s good or bad for his sanity. Whether knowing that _b_blau_ likes green tea and dogs and Coldplay and that he actually lives somewhat close to Mats, makes him sleep easier before matches.

He doesn’t even think about it when he replies and is a little surprised by his answer when he reads it again.

 _dfd_ : nah, its not a problem.  
_dfd:_ its perfect

\--

_> fun things  > surveys_

Question: Who’s the hottest football player (men’s football)? (posted by _mancrushoncasillas_ )

 _mancrushoncasillas_ : uh iker casillas to answer my own question  
_admin_m_ : I’ve got a feeling that this is one of those surveys where I have to warn everyone beforehand: No hate allowed.  
_playit_ : CR7  
_goalkeeping_ : olivier giroud (◡‿◡✿) no competition  
_11men_ : neymar neymar neymar

[23 pages later]

 _esmuellert_ : christoph kramer <3  
_goalkeeping_ : is he even of age? ¬_¬  
_admin_m:_ No. Hate. Please.  
_realmadrid. realmatch_ : sergioooo – i’d give that guy my yellow card any time if you get what i’m saying  
_b_blau_ : urgh mats hummels  
_b_blau_ : objectively speaking.

\--

Mats sees the thread when he is about to log off to pick up Marco for Benni’s party. It’s one of those sections where he always gets to laugh his ass off when the users gossip and tattle about football players, including himself of course.

He quickly scrolls past pages and pages of nominations for Cristiano Ronaldo, when he reaches the last page and spots _b_blau_ at the bottom.

Mats reads the reply and his eyes widen in disbelief. He knew _b_blau_ was into his hair or whatever but ‘hottest player’, that’s like a whole different level, especially since he found out that _b_blau_ was, well, gay apparently. Or into guys at least.  
He feels really flattered but also incredibly weird because they are talking about him without knowing it’s him.

One half of him thinks he should probably forget about Free Kick, log off forever and stop deceiving _b_blau_ (and all others user, of course) but somehow he can’t even bear the thought of getting back to his computer and _not_ see a new message in his inbox; the thought of checking his phone and _not_ have _b_blau_ in his skype contacts. No matter what Marco thinks.

Mats kind of wants to nominate Benni in the survey and even starts typing but then he chickens out halfway through because of a tingling feeling in his ribcage and goes for a safer option.

 _defensefordortmund_ : marco reus lmao

He adds _lmao_ just for good measure and hits enter before looking at his watch.

“Shit!” he actually shouts at it, leaves his flat, drives his car to Marco’s house and arrives – only fifteen minutes late.

Marco is already standing in front of his gate, looking pretty pissed off.

“Do you own a clock, babe? Benni’s already been texting me, asking me where we are!”

Well, he hasn’t even texted me once, Mats thinks stubbornly. He doesn’t even remember when they, like, stopped keeping in contact but it must have happened at some point after the World Cup, after they rolled around on the pitch of Maracanã with figurative stars in their eyes. After they sang loudly and badly along to the songs at the reception in Berlin.

“Don’t call me ‘babe’, _darling_.” is Mats pretty lame comeback when Marco sits down in the passenger seat.

“You’re late because you checked the forum again, didn’t you?” he asks and Mats opts for not answering so they sit in the car in silence until they reach their destination.

Meeting Benni again is as awkward and awesome as Mats figured it would be. Benni hugs both of them and leads them into the house where they party is already well underway.  
You would probably call it a mixer if you considered Dortmund the fraternity and Schalke the sorority but Mats can spot a couple of other players, too. Manuel, for example, already seems pretty drunk and only doesn’t fall down because he’s using the little Erik as a pillar.

Marco spots Mario behind a huge vase (who the hell furnished this house?) and goes to greet him. Mats is about to follow him when Benni pulls him back by his shirt sleeve.

If it was someone else, Mats would have sworn that he could see a blush on Benni’s cheeks, even in the low light.

“It’s, uh, good to see you again.” Benni says and Mats can just nod dumbfoundedly, when Benni leaves him to stand alone in the living room.

All in all, it’s a fun party and Mats would usually be all over it but today is different. He just stands in the corner of the room next to an atrocious floor lamp with fringes (Benni’s taste must really suffered since the win in Brazil), clutches his beer bottle, watches Marco and Mario slowly slide closer and closer to each other on the couch and thinks about his tangled life.

He feels like shit because Benni and him barely talk, because he can’t even concentrate on training sometimes, because a person on the Internet is turning his head.

Because his phone vibrates and he rather checks his messages than talk to anyone at the party.

 _b_blau_ : hey  
_dfd_ : what’s up  
_b_blau:_ i’m at some boring party right now, so nothing much  
_dfd_ : oh rly? me 2! i’m really just here for a friend tho  
_b_blau:_ i wanted to meet a friend over here 2 but he’s being weird so this whole thing kind of sucks  
_dfd:_ sorry about that :( is that friend ur crush?  
_b_blau:_ no. yes. maybe. i don’t know. i can’t talk about this right now  
_dfd:_ sorry  
_b_blau:_ don’t be, it’s not your fault.  
_b_blau:_ i’ve got to go now  
_dfd:_ c u

Mats checks his inbox on Free Kick but it’s empty so he puts his phone away and looks up – into the face of none other than Benni.

“Uh, hi.” Benni says, playing with the meshes of the grey scarf around his neck.

“Hi.” Mats replies and thinks that it’s probably the alcohol that’s making him feel giddy.

“We haven’t been in touch lately, have we? It’s probably my fault, I don’t know. I was busy. I had a couple of issues to work through after the Cup.”

“Busy? For what? Two month?” Mats wants to be kind and understanding and rekindle their friendship but somehow his mouth isn’t cooperating with his brain.

Benni drags his hand across his face and when his eyes meet Mats’ again, he looks like somebody just told him that his parents died in a car crash. So, like, really sad.

“No, I just – it’s just that you-“ he says, obviously struggling for the right words.

Mats interrupts him by holding up his hand. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not like I excelled in keeping in touch either.”

He offers a weak smile and Benni returns it, while adorably biting his lip. They stand next to each other in comfortable silence for a few moments, when Mats speaks up again.

“You know, if you ever want to talk about it, your issues or whatever, then I’m here. My phone number hasn’t changed.”

Benni nods. “I know. I almost called you a couple of times.”

“You did? Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I missed you, after the Cup.”

“Me too.”

And Benni laughs and ruffles Mats' curls and just like that, it feels like everything is back to normal, except maybe the ‘issues’ that Benni had to work through or whatever that was.

The three of them – Mats, Benni and the horrible fringe floor lamp – stand in the corner of the room together and silently judge the others around them who are quickly getting more and more drunk.

Benni jabs Mats in the side a couple of times to point out whatever stunt Manuel is trying to pull now to impress the rookies. Mats even feels his phone in his pocket vibrate a couple of times, with notifications from Free Kick but he happily ignores them.

As soon as Manuel managed to convince some poor Schalke boy (Mats doesn’t remember his name) to loudly sing _Stern des Südens_ , Benni calls out the end of the party.

Mats hugs Benni again to say goodbye and goes to collect Marco who he finds sitting in front of the tv with Mario, watching a recorded episode of his favourite court show.

They drive back home roughly at midnight when most of the guests had already left and Manuel is already vomiting into Benni’s sink.

Marco opens the car window on his side and lets in cool night air.

“So are you back to your crush on Benni after not talking to him for two months?” he asks and Mats can hear that he’s a little tipsy. Marco’s words sound odd in Mats’ ears.

He doesn’t have a crush, he just likes Benni, he’s a good friend and he misses him because they haven’t talked much since the World Cup and Mats misses the easy conversations about all and sundry and he misses seeing Benni laugh when he makes a dumb joke and – _Oh_. Yeah, so maybe _that’s_ what Marco means.

“It’s not a crush.” Mats says though because he isn’t going to let Marco have the satisfaction and turns on the radio. Like a bad joke, that horrid cheesy song by Sido starts playing and Mats pointedly stares at the road in front of him.

But out of the corner of his eye, Mats can see Marco tapping his finger to the beat on the dashboard and trying to suppress a grin.

\--

 _echteliebe_ : are you guys excited for the schalke vs bvb match next week :D  
_felipe_ satan_ : o m g yes, i hope y’all will be here for a fab liveblog  
_reus21_ : schalke and dortmund both playing? does that mean neither blau nor dfd will be here?  
_defensefordortmund_ : yeah do u have 2 work again?  
_b_blau:_ uh probably  
_echteliebe:_ what kind of job do you have that requires you to be there at the most random times D: are you, like, a contract killer or something D:  
_goetzescores_ : because that’s the one job with weird working hours, right, echteliebe?  
_defensefordortmund:_ u rly have 2 work? that sucks  
_defensefordortmund_ : cuz i could probs get u a vip ticket  
_reus21:_ aw can you get _me_ a VIP ticket? <3  
_defensefordortmund:_ fuck off, i’m talking to blau  
_b_blau:_ i... might be able to change shifts with someone else. i’d love to be there  
_defensefordortmund:_ cool! i’ll deposit your ticket at the ticket desk for mr. blau  
_defensefordortmund:_ let’s see whether u can find me in the stadium lmao

\--

Benni says yes for two reasons, even if he can’t actually use the tickets because he’ll be, you know, on the pitch.  
The first reason is that he can hardly say no to such an offer in front of everyone on the forum, the second one is that he thinks that maybe he can find out a bit more about the mystery man _defensefordortmund_ – either by checking who else is sitting in a V.I.P. seat or by asking at the ticket desk about who reserved the tickets.

Now he just has to hope that he won’t embarrass himself in front of _defensefordortmund_ – and Mats, he adds as an afterthought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ridiculous how many usernames I have to invent (and they're supposed to be funny for you guys, too, I hope you appreciate that) - so if you want to supply a couple of names, I promise I'll use them!
> 
> Also, if you want to rec your fav song that makes you think of a football ship, go ahead, I will love you forever.
> 
> Oh, and don't drink and drive, kids. Be safe.


	4. Chapter 4

_admin_q_ : and... that’s the final whistle!  
 _eis_schmelzer_ : oh damn i need to cool down now #whatagame  
 _baronbasti:_ gosh yes! until the end, i thought schalke would score the equalizer #whyusehashtags?  
 _ultrablue:_ fucking dortmund doesn’t deserve this one bit  
 _felipe_satan:_ oh fuck off  
 _felipe_satan:_ idegaf about the score anymore, the game was fucking awesome  
 _felipe_satan:_ like if you wanna bash other teams, go join menonthepitch.com, not Free Kick  
 _admin_q:_ Word.  
 _hummelsandbees:_ more importantly: are there any gifs of the Benni/Mats moment yet? you know the one  
 _reus21:_ yesssss the one where they hug and put their foreheads together and benni has his hand in mats’ hair and they’re all sweaty  <3 <3  
 _kickupp:_ b_blau will love that, being super obsessed with mats’ hair and all ;)  
 _reus21:_ i’m so jealous of blau and dfd, VIP ticket and shit hrrrrchr  
 _felipe_satan:_ they probably weren’t able to have such a good look at mats and benni tho  
[forum update: this discussion has been moved to _> restricted  > fiction > ships_ by _admin_q_ ]

\--

“What the hell do you need a VIP ticket for?” Marco asks, lounging on Mats’ bed like it’s his own, craning his neck to look at the laptop screen in front of him. “Is ‘Mr Blau’ Jonas new nickname? It sounds so schalke-y.”

“No, Jonas doesn’t have time to come to the game. It’s for – for someone else. Can you just request the damn ticket?” Mats replies, less than smoothly and turns the laptop in his direction.

Marco quickly closes what seems to be a youtube tab and hits enter on the already filled in online form. “And there you go.”

“Urgh, thanks! I hate to buy tickets online, I can never understand our own freaking website. It’s a miracle we sell tickets online at all.”

“What would you do without me?” Marco says with a self-satisfied grin on his face and stretches between the pillows.

Mats rolls his eyes and pushes him half off his bed. “I probably wouldn’t wonder how long it will take until you’ll let me forget about this.”

“What ‘this’? The rendezvous with one mysterious Mr Blau?” Marco breathes in his best impression of a husky porn star voice.

It’s so ridiculous that Mats has to shake his head. “Yes, _exactly_ that.”

“O M G,” Marco sputters and yes, he actually spells it out, “did I just request tickets for your date? Which will not be an actual date because you’re emotionally _challenged_ and you’ll be on the turf with ideally twenty-one other men. Plus referees. Does that sound romantic to you?”

Mats groans and regrets ever involving Marco in this. “It’s not a date.”

“It so is! Why didn’t you tell me? I thought I was your best friend?! Tell me! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tellmetellmetellme!”

Marco throws a pillow at Mats who throws it back and they end up having a half-assed pillow fight across his bed until Marco surrenders.

“Okay, okay, so let’s say – no, hear me out – let’s say you tell me if we win against Schalke.”

Mats throws one last pillow at Marco but it bounces right off the blond spikes in his hair.

“Fuck off”, he says but it’s basically a yes to answer the question.

\--

from _marcool rads_ : i can tell that you’re fucking up something in your life right now, by the way, babe

to _marcool rads_ : whn the fuck did u change ur name in my mbile phne

from _marcool rads_ : i’m just saying, you’re always so distracted and you always check that football forum and then you’re like ‘it’s not a crush’ and ‘it’s not a date’

to _marcool rads:_ how do i change bck ur name

from _marcool rads:_ putting two and two together, i’d say this has something to do with Benni and whatever happened so that you didn’t speak to each other for two months

to _marcool rads:_ its none of ur biznz

from _marcool rads:_ okay, conversation rescheduled for after the match

\--                                               

Benni pulls the hood of his jacket over his face and sends a silent prayer to the football gods that no one will recognize him on his way to the ticket counter.

He worms his way through flocks of fans, unsure what exactly he’s hoping to find out. dfd’s name maybe, what he looks like perhaps. Whether their... thing actually means anything or whether Benni is just screwing himself over again.

At the ticket desk, he asks for the reserved seat for Mr Blau and leans forward in an attempt to look casual, clearing his throat.

“Do you have any information about who, uh, bought this ticket?”

The man behind the desk does a couple of clicks on his computer before he answers, “Somebody bought it online. So no idea.”

Benni frowns but nods and the guy is about to hand over the tickets when he does a double-take.

“Hang on, aren’t you one of those – those football guys? Aren’t you supposed to be playing today?”

Benni pulls his hood down a little more. “No.”

“No, no, dude, you look exactly like that one player – like, you know, the one – the blue one!” The man snaps his fingers as if it helped him to remember.

“Benedikt Höwedes?”

“Yeah, that’s the one! Are you him?”

“No.” Benni grabs the tickets from the guy’s hand and flees.

Before he ducks back into the locker room, he deciphers everything that’s written on the tickets.  
Date of purchase, date of the game, the ordinary stuff, nothing revealing.

Angrily, he rips the ticket apart and throws the pieces to the nearest bin. He misses and watches the paper bits flatter to the ground.

Next to Benni the door to their changing room opens and Julian sticks out his head.  
“Uh. Captain? Do you think you’ll join us at some point or should we tell the others than we can’t start the game until you’ve worked out your existential crisis in the hallway?”

Benni pulls a face but gives himself a mental kick against this ridiculous distress and joins his team in the changing room.

When they walk into the stadium, Benni glances at the VIP area. It’s booked out, except for his, or well, b_blau’s seat. He half hopes to see someone on a seat next to it who looks like he’s waiting but all he can spot elderly men, women and two guys in Schalke jerseys. Not _defensefordortmund_.

A disappointed feeling sets in in Benni’s stomach but it’s not like he has any right to be disappointed. Strictly speaking, dfd never promised that he’d be there, too, right?

Benni doesn’t have time to think about it any longer because the match begins, his legs start working all on their own and all yellow jerseys look the same.

\--

 _mario:_ dortmund really ruled the first half  
 _andré:_ Why are you texting me about this match?  
 _mario:_ aubameyang scored a goal, assist by marco  
 _andré:_ Why are you texting me about this match?  
 _mario:_ why do you have to be like this, bro  
 _andré:_ Stop texting me about this match. Neither of our clubs are involved in this.

\--

When the referee blows his whistle for half-time, they are in the lead with 0:1.  
Mats congratulates Pierre for the goal again but his mind is already somewhere else.

It’s kind of hard to get a good look at the VIP area from where’s he standing but as far as he can tell there’s one vacant seat. It hits Mats like a dirty neon frisbee in the face because who rejects a free ticket?

b_blau apparently.

There’s probably an explanation for this, Mats tries to calm himself. He couldn’t change shifts, that’s it. He couldn’t change shifts and didn’t have time to tell Mats about it.  
A weak voice at the back of his head tell him that _he_ isn’t particularly able to complain about the failure of _Operation: Get a Date with b_blau_.

The second half of the game is a stunning show of talent and determination from both teams. The Schalke players fight for a goal but for another forty-five minutes they don’t manage to complete any of their plenty chances, not really due to Mats who sometimes catches himself checking the ranks again.

Along with the final whistle, the celebrations and cheers of anyone wearing yellow break out.

Mats grins as if he just won 5000 daily rations of Nutella in a competition and he runs across the pitch to jump onto Kevin’s back, when he sees Benni, consoling a team mate but looking somewhat run down himself.

Mats instantly jogs over to them and feels hardly sorry for dragging Benni away.

They hug and Benni says something meaningless but Mats laughs about it anyway because that’s what they do.

“Good game.” Mats compliments and from anybody else it would probably have sounded malicious but he means it, he really does.

“You, too.” Benni puts their sweaty foreheads together and Mats can feel Benni’s hand in his neck, jittering vaguely over the ends of his curls and all he wants to do is enjoy the moment without thoughts about b_blau hovering over them.

But Benni draws away way too early and the sudden loss of contact makes Mats feel strangely cold.

“I’ve got to go. I’ll text you.” Benni says, his smile just a little strained, and leaves.

When Mats turns around to face his team mates again, Marco is waving to catch his attention.

He’s mouthing something and Mats deciphers it as ‘time to talk’. Shit.

\--

 _b_blau:_ congrats on the win  
 _dfd:_ what happened?  
 _b_blau:_ what do you mean?  
 _dfd:_ y werent u there? couldn’t u change shifts?  
 _b_blau:_ i /was/ there. /you/ are the one i couldn’t spot  
 _dfd:_ w8 i nvr said i’d b there  
 _b_blau:_ how do you know i wasn’t there then?  
 _dfd:_ i have my bvb sources  
 _b_blau:_ well i was there, i got the ticket from the desk, you can ask them  
 _b_blau:_ i’m feeling kind of screwed over right now  
b __blau:_ you wrote ‘let’s see whether u can find me in the stadium‘  
 _b_blau:_ i went there under the assumption that it would be a date  
 _dfd:_ oh  
 _b_blau:_ shit, wasn’t it? fuck, ignore me if i read this all wrong  
 _dfd:_ no  
 _dfd:_ no!  
 _dfd:_ im sorry, this was a weird-ass way of gettng 2 know u  
 _dfd:_ but idk i like u a lot and idk  
 _dfd:_ idk whether this is weird  
 _dfd:_ i would be up for a meeting idk  
 _b_blau:_ an actual meeting?  
 _dfd:_ call it a date

\--

“So let me get this _straight,_ ” Marco says and snickers over his own dumb joke, “Because somehow this is a little hard for me to grasp, believe it or not. You’re still fucked over Benni although you’re not willing to admit it. You signed up on a forum that you would apply for citizenship in if it was a country and now you’re obsessed with some user there who doesn’t know you’re, well, _you_. You invited him to our football match and you _think_ he wasn’t there but he probably was. And now you’re going on a date with him.”

“Yeah, well... yeah. Basically.”

“Fuck, this is better than any court show.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short again and I'm honestly sorry for that (I'm currently doing an internship) but I don't want to suck at updating so I hope it's okay that this is only 1,800 words instead of the 2,000 words or more I usually want to reach for a chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

_oezily:_ did you see mario’s ice bucket challenge  
 _oezily:_ his face when the water hits him is priceless  
 _schnellerbesserneuer:_ aw ikr  
 _defensefordortmund:_ basti’s vid was the best tho  
 _b_blau:_ i don’t know, i liked how jerome did it topless  
 _defensefordortmund:_ r u saying abs be4 absolutely gr8 cinematography  
 _b_blau:_ yes, pecs before complex clips  
 _defensefordortmund:_ basti’s vid was better by far, dont even try  
 _b_blau:_ that’s not true  
 _james.rodriguez.bond:_ this is the most mind-boggling fight i have ever experienced on this forum  
 _oezily:_ you haven’t been to this part of the forum often yet, have you  
 _defensefordortmund:_ y dont we dicuss that in person when we meet nxt week  
 _b_blau:_ agreed  
 _defensefordortmund:_ ;)  
 _iceicebasti:_ holy shit  
 _iceicebast:_ ...  
 _iceicebasti:_ are you going out together??

\--

“I haven’t been in the football business for as long as you, so I’m not entirely sure about how common this ‘meeting up with someone you met on the Internet anonymously’ thing is,” Julian says slowly, “but it was not part of the lecture I got when I started as a pro.”

He scratches his chin, looking over the different laid-out t-shirt options.

“Do you think I’ve ever done this before? Does it look like I do this often? Does it?” Benni asks, emphasizing his anxiety with frantic motions of his hands. He had tried out approximately twenty different outfits when Julian knocked on his door to bug Benni like he sometimes does and graciously offered fashion advice.  
But if dfd is as hard to please as Julian, Benni’s never going to have any chance anyway.

“So what do you know about him, except that he’s a Dortmund fan? How are you going to find him? Here, try this one.” Julian says and hands him a dark blue Henley shirt.

Benni slips it on and has to suffer Julian’s sceptical look.

“We talked about a lot of stuff but I know you want to ask whether I even know his name. No, I don’t. He doesn’t know my name either. And he said, I’d find him easily since he’d be the only one standing in front of the cinema by himself.”

“Cinema. Very romantic.” Julian says like he’s Benni’s date manager. “Take off your pants, please.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I’m not going to let you leave in those. Don’t you own skinny jeans?”

Benni groans and lets Julian talk him into wearing his tightest, most uncomfortable pair of pants.  
When Julian is done with him, he spins Benni around once and nods approvingly. “I’d be proud to have you as a son-in-law.”

“What the hell? I’m five years older than you are!” Benni whines. He grabs his wallet, keys and phone and leaves before Julian can convince him to change his outfit again.

“What about eyeliner?” Julian calls after him and gets a “I didn’t even hear that just now. When I get back home you’re gone.” in return.

Benni throws on his usual ‘please don’t recognize me’ kit: sunglasses , scarf and cap. He drives his car to the cinema, feeling like maybe, for once in his life, something might just work out for him.

Benni first notices that something is weird when he gets out of the car and indeed spots a guy standing at the entrance of the cinema by himself but the guy is wearing the same masking clothes as Benni: a scarf, sunglasses and a hood drawn over his face.

Benni slowly walks over to the man when he looks up and – Benni nearly gets a heart-attack.

Staring at him, with an expression of surprise that probably mirrors the one on Benni’s face, is Mats. Mats Hummels, in the flesh.

Why _now_ , Benni thinks but he forces a smile on his face and says “Hi. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Mats is obviously just as uncomfortable as Benni but probably not for the same reason.

“Uh, yeah, what a coincidence.” he says and laughs awkwardly. His eyes are looking out for something behind Benni.

“Oh, are you, uh –“ “Waiting for someone? Yeah.”

Benni nods and Mats eyes him until Benni realises that he is expecting an explanation for his presence in unpleasantly tight jeans.

“Same here. Waiting for someone, that is. I’ll just, uh, wait over here.” he says and gestures to a vague area next to the entrance.

Mats _hmmm_ s and they both stand silently next to each other. Benni can sometimes feels Mats’ gaze on him but whenever he turns to look at him, Mats is staring at his feet.

The gears in Benni’s head are working overtime and he’s already trying to make up a plan on what to do when dfd arrives and how to get rid of Mats. Going on a date while your crush is there with someone else is probably number one on a list about ‘how not to get over your crush ever’.

After twenty minutes of waiting and enduring Mats’ and his weird co-existence, Benni realises at least _that_ won’t be a problem because without a datee, there is no date.

Being stood up, Benni thinks, gets easier over time. And maybe that’s a pretty sad outlook on life but he does feel a little mean satisfaction when he notices that Mats’ friend hasn’t turned up either and he’s still leaning there, slumped against the wall.

Mats checks his watch three times in a row before he turns to Benni, grimacing. He’s nice enough or disappointed enough about his own failed meeting not to mention that Benni is a loser or whatever.

“What movie are you watching?”

“Guardians of the Galaxy.”

Mats’ face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Me too! You want to watch it together? Since, uh, my friend isn’t showing up apparently.”

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, Benni thinks cynically. Mats as a friend is worth three times as much as some online asshole who can’t even show up to his own dates.

So Benni nods and dumps one of the two tickets into a bin, when they walk into the building.  
Mats buys a huge bag of popcorn and Benni is kind of grateful for the barrier between the two of them in the dark cinema.  
There’s a buzzing in his ears and he’s sensing a rustling of tension in the stale air when the commercials flicker across the screen. Benni wonders whether Mats can feel it, too.

The movie starts but Benni spends most of the time  
a) looking at Mats  
b) forcing himself not to reach for Mats’ curls  
c) mentally insulting dfd for being a lying cheat and a freaking enabler for this crush  
d) all of the above.

When he looks back at the screen, suddenly there’s a talking racoon and a walking tree and maybe _that’s_ some backhanded metaphor for his life. He makes it through two hours of the movie with the vague idea that the tree is called Groot and his dignity mostly intact.

As soon as the lights switch on again, Mats starts talking animatedly about the characters and the movie. Nothing reminds Benni of the picture of misery that Mats had been when they were both waiting outside.

Benni nods along and wonders whether you need a permit to dig your own grave in a public park because this whole adventure is just pathetic.

By the time they reach the exit, Mats has started analysing the movie shot by shot, talking with his hands and it’s adorable how bubbly he is about it.  
Benni has to raise his hand to interrupt Mats from blabbering on about space hunks.

“Do you want to get a coffee? Because I can still get mad at my shitty dat- friend who didn’t show up later on.”

Mats hesitates, pulls out his phone and types something, before nodding and smiling softly.

“Yeah, sure. Coffee sounds good.”

It sounds very good in Benni’s ears, in fact so good, that he ignores his phone vibrating as a message alert.

When they sit down in a café (they choose a somewhat secluded corner as to not be recognized), it dawns on Benni that this feels _just a bit_ like a date. He starts tearing his napkin to pieces and builds little hills out of the flakes.

“You didn’t text me after the game.” Mats says and sounds reproachful.

“Oh, yeah, I – I forgot.” Benni replies because he honestly did, no lie.

Mats takes a sip from his cacao and when he puts down the cup, he keeps his hand closed around it. “Like you forgot after Brazil?”

Benni has to look away when Mats says that and the itching of his skin in not just from the skinny jeans.

“Stop beating that dead horse, okay? I’m sorry.”

“I’m just confused. I literally cannot remember why we were singing songs together one day and the next day you started replying to my texts with nothing more than ‘Okay.’ and ‘I don’t know.’”

Benni does sweater paws with his Henley and laughs sadly. How can a guy be that oblivious?

“The others really never told you, huh?”

“Told me _what_?” Mats frowns.

“Forget it. I’m just a dumb guy with issues, that’s all.”

Mats opens his mouth to reply but then a couple of spoons clatters to the floor (Benni would like to thank not only God but also Jesus) and a waiter rushes away from where he had been standing quite close to their table. Benni only gets a glance at the waiter’s back when he flees but he swears he has seen the spiky, dyed blond hair before somewhere. But he’s probably just getting paranoid.

Mats laughs a little and Benni joins in, just to feel less awkward. They both take a swig from their drinks.

“I guess when we get stood up, we still always have each other. Sounds just like us, to plan a date for the same place and time.” Mats says and chuckles.

“So that would have been a date for you?” Benni tries not to sound too jealous about it.

“Ha, yeah. And look how that turned out. You think you meet a special someone and then – they’re, well, not.”

“I know, it sucks.” Benni says and nods and Mats shoots him a weird look but doesn’t say anything.

They leave the café together when they have emptied their cups and Mats walks Benni back to his car.

“Don’t forget to text me!” is the last thing he says, with a crooked grin and Benni watches him in the rear-view mirror when he drives away.

As soon as Mats is out of sight, Benni takes out his phone and types out a text message.

to mats: _please explain to me again what that racoon was doing in the movie_

from mats: _dont text & drive ;)_

\--

 _marco:_ so i need your help  
 _mario:_ okay, i’m in!  
 _marco:_ i haven’t even told you yet why i need your help  
 _mario:_ whatever, bro, i’m in  
 _marco:_ don’t you want to hear what this is about?  
 _mario:_ nah, it’s okay, i’ll be at your house in an hour  
 _marco:_ oh ok. that’s the kind of adventurous spirit i like.

\--

Marco has watched a lot of court shows, mostly his favourite _Judge Joan_ and just last week, there was an episode about a teenage girl who chatted with a fifteen-year-old boy online and when they met up it turned out that the boy was a fifty-year old serial killer and the girl’s mom was his twin sister and they were separated because of a surrogacy – point is, the Internet is a dangerous place.

And, speaking from experience, you can easily accidentally buy twenty certificates to proof your priesthood in just as many bizarre sects.

So, Marco concludes, Mats might be meeting up with a serial killer or, worse, a journalist. And even if it’s an ordinary guy, Marco prefers to be there for the date to be able to intervene, just in case the worst happens.

The trouble he goes through for Mats, _sigh_. He’s about as under-appreciated as a best friend as Kristen Stewart is as an actress.  
The whole surveillance will be done very professionally, Marco decides, so he quickly gets some tips from various, more or less trustworthy websites.

_"Now, you could hire a private investigator. But why miss out in the fun?"_

Bingo, this is his article, Marco thinks.

_"Find out some obvious information about your target beforehand."_

No need for that, Mats is his best friend and Marco even knows what his favourite shampoo is.

_"Wearing a disguise is a great asset, especially if the person you’re surveying knows you."_

Noted.

_"You could also wear a wig and/or facial, but that could be a bit overboard, and could look too fake. The best thing to do, if you want a new look, is to push back your surveillance, be a real man, and grow everything out."_

Hm. No. Marco is not going to grow a beard and pushing back the mission is not possible. He looks at his watch – Mats’ date is going to be in three hours.

_"Have another person stay on a stakeout with you, sometimes a second set of eyes will see things that you didn’t notice."_

Marco doesn’t even have to think about whom to text – and he gets a reply with the speed of lighting.  
Seventy minutes later, Mario knocks on his door, a huge dimpled grin on his face. He throws himself into Marco’s arms first, onto Marco’s couch second.

“You have a framed picture of me at the World Cup Finale with your jersey?”

Marco plops down on the couch next to Mario and knits his eyebrows.

“ _Duh._ But whatever, you need to help me with something. I don’t have the time or comprehension, to be honest, to fully explain this but the point is, Mats is going on a date in roughly two hours and it’s a little sketchy so I’d like to... watch over him. Well, surveil him.”

“I see you’ve done some research,” Mario says and points at the laptop on the table, still open on some amateur detective website, “so how are we going to do this?”

And that’s what Marco loves about Mario. No questions asked, just ready to get into trouble with him. Good thing (for the world) they had become football players and not criminals.

They gather the equipment they need and put their DIY detective kit in the car (Mario had drawn the line at buying a white van).

Surveillance is certainly not as exciting as it sounded on _Judge Joan_. Marco and Mario crouch in their parked car and watch Mats wait at the cinema.  
Any old _arte_ documentary is more interesting than counting the times Mats shifts his weight from one leg to the other.

Marco beats his record on Candy Crush three times and takes roughly sixty-seven selfies with Mario before something actually happens across the street.  
Mario has to jab Marco to make him aware of who is suddenly approaching Mats.

“Benni?” he says in surprise and looks at Marco for an explanation but he only shrugs his shoulders.

Mats and Benni stand awkwardly next to each other for another twenty minutes, still waiting for something else to happen, before Mats turns to Benni, they exchange a few words and enter the cinema together.

“We’ve got to follow them!” Marco exclaims and is already out of the car before he finishes his sentence.

Mario and him buy tickets but it’s hard to see anything in the darkness and nothing much seems to be happening with Mats and Benni anyway so Marco and Mario just enjoy the movie together. They take up the undercover work again afterwards and follow their objects of interest into a café.

Mats and Benni choose a table in some far-off corner next to a potted plant.  
After discussing whether you can learn lip reading from the Internet in under two minutes, Mario and Marco decide that that’s a no and cope with their momentary failure by taking another selfie.

“I remember what I read about disguises though!” Marco suddenly says, excited like a little child. Mario shoots him a questioning look but Marco just replies “Watch and learn!”

He grabs the cloth from a nearby table, some ‘pretense’ cutlery and his professional surveillance notepad – and indeed looks somewhat like a real waiter. If you squint.

Mario grins and gives him the thumbs-up so Marco dares to get closer to Mats and Benni and is able to overhear what they’re saying.

“I literally cannot remember why we were singing songs together in Berlin one day and the next day you started replying to my texts with nothing more than ‘Okay.’ and ‘I don’t know.’”

“The others really never told you, huh?”

“Told me _what_?” Mats frowns and so does Marco because _what is Benni talking about?_

“Forget it. I’m just a dumb guy with issues, that’s all.”

Mats begins to say something and Marco is so excited hear what he has to say, that he drops the spoons he is holding to look like a real waiter and they clonk on the floor. Mats and Benni immediately turn to look at him so he scurries away as fast and as waiter-y as possible. This totally isn’t his fault because nowhere did it say on the websites not to drop spoons when you’re on a mission. They always miss the real important advice.

Mario rolls his eyes and somehow manages to make it look lovingly when Marco comes back to his table.

“Okay, so I don’t know what happened to the guy Mats was supposed to meet but Benni talked about why he didn’t contact Mats anymore after the World Cup but he just said that ‘the others never told Mats’ or something. I don’t really get it.” Marco says and throws the tablecloth into the lap of an unsuspecting customer.

Mario nods slowly like he knows something everyone else doesn’t. “They were talking about the truth and dare thing, right?”

“What truth and dare thing?”

“Oh! Well, you weren’t there, it was the evening after we arrived in Berlin after the Cup.”

And Mario fills Marco in on what happened.  
It’s not even the main event that suddenly makes Marco draw the connections that he’d been missing in this drama, it’s a small mention of a detail that leaves him suspicious – and makes him open the Free Kick Forum.

\--

 _dfd:_ why weren’t u there????  
 _dfd:_ what happened??????  
 _dfd:_ are u there?????  
 _dfd:_ blau, where r u?  
 _dfd:_ [user deleted this message]  
 _dfd:_ I’m worried sick about you.

\--

 _defensefordortmund:_ has anyone heard from b_blau?  
 _goetzescores:_ nope, not recently  
 _chelseaisagirlsname_ : i can’t see his profile anymore D:  
 _admin_m:_ He asked us to change his profile preferences. The page can’t be accessed anymore but his account still exists.

\--

By noreply@freekickforum.com  
To blau@mail.com

_Re: Free Kick misses you!_

Hey b_blau,  
you haven’t visited Free Kick in over a week!  
There are sixteen messages waiting in your inbox and we miss you!  
Log in and check out the many new threads that have been opened since.

Sincerely,  
Free Kick

(This is an automatic e-mail. If you don’t want to receive e-mail updates anymore, click here to unsubscribe.)

[deleted at 16:04]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is huge! Like 3,000 words huge! And just as silly!
> 
> Uh, I apologize to anyone who expected this to be the great romantic showdown because we're not quite there yet.
> 
> The quotes about surveillance are from [this site](http://www.amog.com/lifestyle/thinking-cop-surveillance/).  
> Please don't think about the geography of all this too much, thank you.
> 
> EDIT: Marco is playing in the match against Augsburg right now :D


	6. Chapter 6

from _mats:_ what r u doing?  
to _mats:_ what, like right now?  
from _mats:_ no, last tuesday, from 10:30 to 12:30. this is the police  & we need ur alibi for a murder investigation  
from _mats:_ of course rn  
to _mats:_ i’m just chilling  
from _mats:_ i’m watching judge joan  & i rly dont get y marco likes it that much  
to _mats:_ i ‘rly’ don’t get why marco likes you that much  
from _mats:_ ouch  
from _mats:_ that’s sth /i/ would say, not u  
to _mats:_ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
from _mats:_ stop using my own weapons agnst me

\--

Lying on his back, phone in one hand, chocolate bar in the other one, Benni feels like his quality of life has greatly improved ever since he cut _defensefordortmund_ out of his life and let Mats fill the hole that – okay. No. No, that just sounded so wrong. _Ew._

Benni doesn’t remove his account on Free Kick for reasons of sentimentality but he does feel like he can breathe easier every time he gets to delete one of the update e-mails.  
It’s also very satisfying to see the number of messages in his inbox increase. He’s 90% sure that 90% of them are from _defensefordortmund_ and he only feels vaguely bad for the rest of them.

He has thought about replying to dfd’s questions on skype and on the forum and had actually started to type out an answer at one point but even Julian gave up after supplying him with twenty insults over the phone.

So instead of waiting for _defensefordortmund_ to realise that he’s a mean liar and instead of facing the fact that maybe his own slate isn’t completely clean either, Benni reverts to his usual medical condition: heart eyes for Mats Hummel.

Only now, Benni decides to be more shameless about it because if _defensefordortmund_ is what he gets for dating people he’s only somewhat into, then he’s learnt his lesson and is ready for _Crush on a Colleague: The Revenge (This time it’s personal.)_

When Mats texts him, Benni replies a couple of times but then he can’t hold back any longer and calls him.

Mats answers after one ring.

“Is it even legal to let some prostitute who burst into the court room act as a witness and use her statement as proof in a trial?” he asks without saying hello, sounding bored.

Benni laughs and sits up on his bed. “I’m guessing not. Are you checking your chances on getting heard in court?”

There’s a pause on the other line and Benni hears something rustle, before Mats slowly says “Is this some backhanded way of calling me a hooker?”

“Well, you certainly got the looks!”

Benni regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth because calling your friend a rent boy is a one thing, calling your friend an _attractive_ rent boy is something entirely different. But Mats just laughs dryly like he’s heard that joke too many times before and Benni remembers he’s friends with Marco.

“Why are you watching that horrible tv show anyway? Nothing else on?” Benni asks.

“I just need something to distract myself.” Mats answers with a long-drawn-out sigh that would make any soap-opera actor jealous. “You know when we met at the cinema last week? Urgh, the guy I wanted to meet there still hasn’t got in touch with me so I’m half-worried and half-pissed and half-sluggish and full on watching bad tv shows in the afternoon.”

Benni looks past the fact that the maths doesn’t add up and is stuck on the word ‘guy’ because Mats had said that he was on a _date_ last week.

“Who’s, uh, who’s the guy?” Benni asks carefully and as nonchalant as possible but his hand clenches around the phone.

“He’s really great, into football and pretty chill. An awesome guy. I mean, I thought he was.”  
The man sounds like he’s beauty and grace, Mr The-One-For-Third-Base so Benni is secretly happy that he’s also a dick.

Mats starts chuckling into the phone. “You know what’s funny?”

Your face, Benni thinks but says “What?”

“He’s a Schalke fan. Cross-Club-Dating is made to be doomed.”

Benni hums affirmatively but he looks at his Schalke alarm clock and feels like throwing it out of the window.

“What’s his name?” Benni starts but Mats coughs and turns up the tv in the background.

“Well, I’m going to hang up now, they are announcing the verdict right now.”

Before Benni can say goodbye, the phone clicks and leaves him feeling like he’s not the only one with a secret.

\--

 _marcool_rads:_ hello, fellow users of the Internet, fans of the game called football  
 _marcool_rads:_ can you tell me what you know about b_blau and defensefordortmund  
 _reus21:_ omg they’re like famous on the forum already  
 _marcool_rads:_ cool user name! i’m flattered  
 _marcool_rads:_ flattered for your love of marco reus haha ha  
 _kick3r:_ blau hasn’t been online in some time and i think dfd hasn’t posted anything recently either  
 _iceicebasti:_ they said that they’d meet up  
 _messimessy:_ we should probably just be happy that they didn’t sound like murderers or i’d be worried about one of them being dead. or both.  
 _marcool_rads:_ sooo a schalke and a dortmund fan?  
 _eis_schmelzer:_ yeah, weirdly tho they were never online for the matches  
 _eis_schmelzer:_ blau always had to work which was weird bc who works on a saturday evening???  
 _hummelsandbees:_ dfd probably holds the records for most temporary bans lol  
 _admin_m:_ He does.  
 _11vs11:_ blau used to go on and on about mats hummels’ hair omg that was my favourite thing i really miss the daily hair discussions

\--

Five days after the more or less successful spy mission, Marco is as wise as before (which is hella) but he is now a proud owner of an account of Free Kick under the name _marcool_rads_.

Online surveillance is just as difficult as real-life surveillance so of course he needs the help of his co-super hero Mario.

Marco is sitting in front of the laptop, a browser window opened on Free Kick and is listening to Mario’s voice coming from the phone on loud-speaker.

“I still don’t get why it’s such a big deal, Marco! I mean, we play truth and dare all the time with the team and although it was right after the win, we didn’t do any weird stuff. With this game, it’s bound to happen that people make out. Hell, I remember that time when Thomas dared you and Mats to French-kiss and it didn’t look like _that_ was a problem.”

Marco mockingly moans in pleasure before breaking out into laughter.  
“The thing is, when Benni and Mats kissed, it was different because they were head over heels or something equally Jane-Austen-y. Maybe Mats didn’t know yet then but I think Benni knew, whatever. They’ve been dancing around each other ever since and now I get why it was so awkward.”

“And Mats never told you about all that?” Mario asks.

“I honestly don’t think he remembers. He must have been drunk off his ass.”

“And where does this online forum fit it?”

“That’s about the other thing you told me, where Benni had to admit something embarrassing and he said that he posts anonymously on football websites? A light and an angelic choir went off.” and Marco goes on to explain what Mats had told him about his time on the forum.

The only comment Mario has left for the whole story afterwards is “You know what? This is basically what happened on that one episode of Judge Joan. The one where they killed the girl.”

Marco is not ashamed to say that he squees. “I know, right? I love you for saying that. It’s what I said but Mats didn’t appreciate it.”

I hope he’ll appreciate me saving his ass from ending up alone with a picture of Benni in a locket around his neck, Marco thinks and opens a new thread on the forum to investigate since he found out that checking every single section for posts by _defensefordortmund_ is impossible.

The answers to his question all point in one direction and looking back, it all slots into place.  
Mats being into both _b_blau_ and Benni, Benni and Mats not separating from their phones during the party, the ticket for _b_blau_ who didn’t show up and Benni who did and most of all, Mats’ date where only Benni appeared.

Marco is so proud of his discovery that he makes Mario do a video call on the phone so he can take a celebratory selfie of them on the laptop.

“I think we need to help them get together or it will take them longer to stop being dumb than it took us to get a fourth star.”

\--

 _marco:_ mission blueyellow is on the way / subsection blue has been completed  
 _mario:_ you can just text me about it in normal words  
 _marco_ : ok: mission ‘get benni and mats together’ is on the way / benni is already trapped in my wardrobe  
 _mario:_ the concept doesn’t completely disclose itself to me yet but i trust you  
 _marco:_ aw babe well i need to get them to talk somehow so i’ll threaten not to let them out until they had sex  
 _mario:_ in the wardrobe?  
 _marco:_ don’t knock it till you’ve tried it  
 _marco:_ but okay a kiss or whatever is enough

\--

Refreshing the Free Kick site every few minutes, Mats is watching a dating show when he gets Marco’s text.

from _marcool rads:_ i need your help moving some furniture  
to _marcool rads:_ cant u get Kevin 2 help u  
from _marcool rads:_ no, get your ass off your couch or you’ll end up as a depressed lonely cat lady one day  
to _marcool rads:_ urgh ok w/e

Mats groans exaggeratedly, turns off the tv and levers himself up from the couch. He doesn’t even bother to fix his hair which is a whole new level of indifference.  
He gains some new energy when he raps along to the songs on the radio during the ride to Marco’s house but he’s still pretty annoyed about life in general when he rings the doorbell.  
Marco opens the door with a huge smile on his face and that right there is a red flag. He grabs Mats by the shoulders and drags him into the house.

“Hey, great that you could come!” Marco says as if there actually had been a choice.

“The furniture is in my bedroom.” he continues before Mats gets a chance to say hello in return.  
Marco manoeuvres him into the room and with one swift motion, faster than Mats can react to it – because who would ever expect any of this – Marco unlocks his wardrobe, pushes Mats into it and turns the key in the closed doors.

“What the _fuck_!” Mats says because what the actual fuck?  
The wardrobe is huge but it’s still hard to move inside of it. Mats struggles to get his phone out of pocket and turns it on.  
The small screen lights the small space and reveals a row of clothes, a couple of boxes and –

The resigned face of one Benedikt Höwedes.

Benni does a little wave and gives a strained smile. He’s standing in an uncomfortably crooked position, wedged between Marco’s shirts and there’s not a lot of space between him and Mats.

“Hi!” he says like this situation isn't completely surreal because they’ve been locked up in Marco’s wardrobe _by Marco_ and Mats can only wonder how Benni got lured here.

“Here’s some food in case this is going to take longer which I guess it will, because it’s already taken you, like, a hundred years.” Marco’s voice sounds muffled from outside and a second later, he slides something thin through the gap under the wardrobe doors.

Mats reaches for it, accidentally nearly hits Benni in the process and picks it up.  
It’s a package of sliced salami. Thanks.

“Have fun and call me when you’re done talking! Or kissing. And don’t you act like you don’t know what this about, _defensefordortmund and b_blau_.” Marco yells gleefully and they can hear him walk out of the room.

Mats rattles at the door as well as he can without hitting himself in the face but Benni stops him by reaching for Mats’ wrists.

“It’s useless, believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve been in here for an hour already and I only managed to nearly make the wardrobe fall over. I’d prefer to not be crushed and die in here.”

“An _hour_? What is wrong with Marco? I’ve seen him pull some weird shit but this is – I don’t what this is. _What_ are we supposed to talk about?”

Benni groans and looks at his hands. “I think he found out that we made out at the party after the World Cup.” he says quietly and Mats has to replay the words in his head to make sure he heard that correctly.

“Made... out?” he repeats and is surprised that he’s not shocked but mostly angry that he doesn’t remember. He didn’t think that he had been drunk enough to forget something like _that_.

“It was truth and dare,” Benni explains, “but it fucked me over badly. Badly enough that I wanted to do it again. I’m sorry.”

“That’s why you didn’t want to text me anymore.” Benni nods sadly and suddenly things start making sense.

“That’s also why I started talking to some guy online so that’s what Marco was talking about with _defensefordortmund_ and _b_blau_ just now.” Benni adds, like they are doing small talk about the weather. “ _b_blau_ was my user name. Pathetic, I know.”

Mats’ heart stops.

For a moment, his mind is a black void. Then it all comes rushing down like his mental dams just broke or whatever.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ , he thinks and revisits their conversations on Free Kick, their late-night chats about feelings and all that cheesy stuff, all the little hints about b_blau, the fucking tickets for their match and the date at the cinema. It’s a ridiculous idea, an unbelievable coincidence but it makes sense like nothing else in his life and Mats wonders how blind he had been.

Fucking Marco, Mats thinks and stares at Benni who is looking at him, head titled, probably worried because Mats still has to react to what he said and it’s so adorable that Mats’ heart skips a beat.

“Fucking Marco”, Mats repeats, lunges forward, presses Benni against the wardrobe wall behind him and kisses him.

It’s messy and awkward in the small space and Mats has to keep Marco’s shirts from dropping in his face so he only has one hand to hold Benni’s face but it’s as perfect as possible.

Benni tenses at first when their lips meet but then he opens his mouth and makes a breathy noise. He kisses back eagerly and lifts his hands to bury them in Mats’ hair and draw him closer.

They break apart when Mats’ lungs start burning and he nearly gets a cramp from his crooked posture in the wardrobe.  
The blue light from his phone illuminates Benni’s flushed profile and Mats is starting to sweat in the stale air in the wardrobe, trying to catch his breath.

“I’m _defensefordortmund_.” he says and Benni stares at him before breaking out into weak laughter like this is some bad joke but Mats isn’t done yet.

“I signed up for Free Kick and we started arguing about offside and I used to threaten to beat up other users and I wrote a thousand words on Beckham’s abs. You flirted with me so I flirted back and now it makes sense that you couldn’t be online for Schalke matches because you were on the fucking pitch and I still waited for someone else when we met up for the date last week because I’m stupid. It’s so painfully obvious and Marco fucking knows and it was _you_ I was into the whole fucking time.”

Benni looks at Mats like he’s just told him that FIFA is part of the Illuminati and Mats thinks that maybe he fucked it up but then Benni starts laughing so hard he hits his head on hanging rail.

“Ow, shit,” he says but he’s still laughing and he draws Mats into a tight hug, “I can’t believe we wasted all this time flirting with each other without knowing it was us.”

Mats just nods and bites his lip because if this isn’t the worst and the best thing that ever happened to him, then he doesn’t know what is.

“I really do like your curls.” Benni says and emphasizes his words by dragging his hand through Mats’ hair.

“I know.” Mats replies and they kiss again, much sweeter this time.

They call Marco who demands to hear them kiss over the phone as proof and he opens the wardrobe doors with a grumpy look on his face.

“You two,” he says, gesturing from Benni to Mats, “can fuck right off out of my house because I just lost fifty euros in a bet. Couldn’t you have taken five minutes longer to make up?”

There’s snickering coming from the phone that Marco is holding in his hand and Mats doesn’t have to be a psychic to know that it’s Mario.  
Benni slides one hand under Mats’ shirt and they turn to kiss again (it feels like fucking coming _home_ ) while Marco groans in the background.

“You want to get out of here?” Mats asks and Benni nods with a grin on his face.

They ignore Marco who calls “Don’t I get a thank you for this?” after them and ride off into their figurative sunset because they deserve it, they do.

\--

 _defensefordortmund:_ check out  this photo on mats’ twtter  
 _reus21:_ hey man you’re back! where were you the past couple of days?  
 _defensefordortmund:_ finlly drivin to the houses of all the ppl who posted shit on here  
 _baronbasti:_ what’s up with the twitter photo though omg! benni and mats uvu  
 _regiosamos:_ mats looking like a model again  
 _b_blau:_ ha mats hummels is not that good-looking  
 _defensefordortmund:_ thats not what u said 1 hour ago  
 _defensefordortmund:_ & anyway benedikt höwedes, like, could use some cooking lessons bc he evn burns toast  
 _b_blau:_ hmmm maybe things have changed (and i'll have you know that benni is an excellent cook, but toast isn’t cuisine)  
 _defensefordortmund:_ changed for the better? ;)  
 _b_blau:_ yeah  
 _oezily:_ does anybody else feel like they’re missing something?  
 _marcool_rads:_ y'all crazy stupid in love i’m getting diabetes  
 _marcool_rads:_ /retching noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who accompanied me on this ride!
> 
> Prompts can be written into the comments or directed at my e-mail which is my AO3 username @web.de. I'm on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/anexactscience).


End file.
